Lost Glasses

My glasses have disappeared,

I cannot find them anywhere!

I wore them watching TV,

but where they went is a mystery                          

If I lose them, I am doomed,
perhaps they're in the living room!

I may have left them in the car                                                                             

or maybe by the cookie jar
I have searched my whole backyard

Finding them is gonna be hard

hopefully they're not pulverized
I'm blind as a bat with my blurry eyes
Not sure if they're at the school
but definitely not inside the pool
no matter what, Mom can't find out
she'll have a fit, no doubt about
Maybe they're...oh wait,  never mind,
I was wearing them the whole time!

                                                                          Missing!

                                                                          Reward!!!

              

A Dog's POV

Humans,

An odd creature

no other species will get

I love them so,

they are my masters,

yet they can be walking

disasters

Humans,

tell me I bark and bark

yet they talk with all their hearts                                                                

all day long, on the phone                                                                         

when I'm trying to eat                                           

my chewy bone

Humans,
are such hypocrites
they tease me with MY toys
then they throw such a fit,
when I get THEIR belongings

Humans,
are so forgetful,
of the things we cannot do,
they hold up two shirts,
asks red or blue,
but I'm color blind,
I have no clue

Humans,
say
(for the best of me)
I am allowed
no more treats
but when they're on diets,
they just cheat
candy after candy,
repeat it and repeat

Humans,
so bare with no fur,
have odd things they call
"fashion"
they seem to forget,
from head to paw I'm covered
and squeezes me
into a matching set

Humans,
get quite upset,
when they find the floor
all wet
they have bathrooms
we have the outdoors
which do you think
we prefer?

Humans,

think that getting soap

in your eyes and mouth,

is very very fun

soaked from head to tail,
don't blame me,
if I run before its done

Humans,
are oh so clumsy
on stairs and across the room,
falling like Humpty Dumpty
into chairs when they vacuum
always tripping over their feet,
and they want me to complete
an obstacle course that's elite

Humans,
may have their faults,
but they care for me,
they give me lots of belly rubs
and in return I lick with glee
they're not so bad, in the end
after all, they're my best friend

On top, author of poem.

(translated by a dog whisperer)

What is This?

I stepped in something wet and sticky
I don't know what it is
it made me feel really icky
Will someone tell me, what is this?

It could have been spilled juice,
but it doesn't seem to match the clues
maybe it's my mom's perfume, but I doubt it
It reeks so much, I just want to vomit
I think it may be egg yolk,
but it's no time for a joke
Elmer's glue may just be it,
but it doesn't seem to fit

I can't guess anymore,
of what could possibly be on the floor
Now I have to go away,
I have a puppy to housebreak

Fireflies

Lighting up the darkest nights

from yard to yard, a flickering light

Within reach, a tiny star

A myriad of glows in the dark

you try to catch it, but by then it's gone

Just like that, it's on the lawn

Finally, you catch one  nearby

In your hand, about to fly 

Looking closely, you realize

a little bug before your eyes

Mustaches

I "mustache" you a little question,
'cause staches are my new obsession

what? you do not wish to hear?

will my mustache does not really care

but if later you do want to know

I'll "shave" this line for tomorrow

for now I'll talk 'bout this facial hair
they're not just for guys,
'cause that's not fair

there are many ways to get a stache

like buying glasses, with them attached

they sell stick-ons in the store

buy hair-growing potions;or

find a mug with a stache on it

then pour a drink and take a sip

draw one on a finger, where there's space
and when it's done, hold it to your face
face paint does a good job, too
and you can get a stache tattoo

what's that you say?
you've changed your mind?
well, it certainly is 'bout time
and this question I've been wanting to ask,
how did you get such a good mustache?

Life Lesson-Lockers

(inspired by Ms.Kingston)

Locker, locker, why won't you open?

Bell won't ring soon, I'm hopen

I know the combo, I know it's right

hopefully this won't take all night

back and forth, I turn the knob

this is a very fustrating job

I check my binder, to be sure
yes, this is the combo to the things I store
my books are in there, homework too
and today is when they all are due
I check again, and what a shocker
this isn't even my own locker!!!

(true story!)
Life Lesson: Make sure you are opening the right locker before you drive yourself insane.

Tongue Twisters

Can you say these tongue twisters quickly?

1)Once a fellow met a fellow in a field of beans. Asked a fellow to a fellow if a fellow asked a fellow could a fellow tell a fellow what a fellow means. *pant, pant*

2)How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

3)I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

4)What a terrible tongue twister,

what a terrible tongue twister,

what a terrible tongue twister...

5)How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.

6)I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.

more tongue twisters at http://www.uebersetzung.at/twister/en.htm